Breast-Pads for Hideous Women, circa 1876
May 14th, 2009 | by admin. Published in "Naughty Bits"
Flannigan's offensive patent application
From 1875 through 1877, Michael Flannigan was not only experiencing a dearth of decent ideas for inventions (this is the period in which he invented both the Magneto-Electric Genital Clamp and Flannigan’s Follicle Restorer), he was also living in Winnipeg. One wonders if it is the lack of good ideas, and the tragic failure of even passable ideas (such as the Big-Ass Pipe), rather than his locale that informed the only invention he patented in 1876: Breast-Pads for Hideous Woman.
In his patent application, Flanngan states:
“Be it known that I, Michael Flannigan, a citizen of the Dominion of Canada, residing at Winnipeg, in the Province of Manitoba, have invented a new and useful device to make repulsive females less stomach-turning, called Breast-Pads for Hideous Women, of which the following is a specification…
“Note: though the extra padding may help, there is no way to actually disguise the hideousness of the women hereabouts, so the inventor recommends that this device is used in combination with the Big-Ass Pipe, the Particulate Breathing Apparatus or Flannigan’s Amplified Re-Breathing Technology. Copious amounts of sloe gin and whiskey may also help.
“If neither of these methods of employing the device are successful, after a slight adjustment to the coarsetron (c) the pads may be worn over the face. (Figure 2).”