Apparatus For The Prevention Of Getting Kicked In The Nuts, circa 1877
May 14th, 2009 | by Squire. Published in For the Gent
Apparatus for the Prevention of Getting Kiecked in the Nuts, circa 1877
Flannigan’s cold streak in Winnipeg continued unabated. Faced with not only the rejection of his Breast-Pads for Hideous Women, but outright hostility, and several public groinings, Flannigan turned his inventive mind to the question: “how can I get thumped in the ol’ marbles and keep down me lunch?”
The Apparatus For The Prevention Of Getting Kicked In The Nuts, was actually badly misnamed. In fact, wearers of Flannigan’s invention (dubbed the “Testinator” by several Exchange District wags) were much more likely to be assaulted in the nether-regions. This is because the apparatus gave its wearer a sense of security. It should be noted that this was a false sense of security, as parts 5, 2, 7 and 4 were constructed of stiff leather instead of some harder material. (Flannigan had used copper in his prototype, but had rejected the metal after his test run at Portage and Main, stating, “I can’t say I enjoyed the effects of super-chilled metal next to me dangly bits. I’m sure the public will reject it also.”)
Sales were predictably flaccid.
–Scholarship by The Squire